Saturday, August 27, 2011

Winter's Coming Early This Year...

Anyone who knows me well, know that I have seasonal depression.  I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in college.  Every winter I am any number of negative adjectives- sad. depressed, moody, anxious, cranky, etc... (Bless the people who put up with this every year.)  I can feel it coming on.  Some years it is worse than others.   Most years I take an antidepressant once I feel it coming on, some years it hasn't been necessary.  Most years it starts in October.  This year it's starting in August.

Yep, the telltale signs are manifesting- more trouble than usual getting to sleep, restlessness. fatigue, anxiety, general edginess...the list goes on.  Is this all due to the SAD?  I don't know.  This is also my first fall without a job outside the home.  It's my first fall not having other adults to talk to on a regular basis.  And it's my first fall as a full-time stay-at-home-mom. 

I've also felt a little lost since my 70.3 race in July.  That was my big goal for the year, the climax.  What now?  Also, until the past couple days, my runs have been terrible since my race.  It's hard to get motivated to run when you're pretty sure it's going to feel terrible. 

I've started taking my antidepressants for the season.  And I've started to look for races for next year (and the year after).  Sure, I have a couple coming up yet this year, but after a marathon and a 70.3, they just seem anti-climactic.  I know I want to do Grandma's Marathon again next year, along with at least one 70.3.  I'd like to do two 70.3's but knowing how I'm feeling after this one, I don't know if that is reasonable.  I'm looking for an Ironman in 2013.  (This was always a tentative plan in my mind, but it's becoming more of a reality in an attempt to get me motivated.  Also, to register for some of them, you need to be on-site for registration the day following the previous year's race.) 

On a positive note, my run on the treadmill Thursday was awesome.  The best run in the past month!  I'm hoping that is a good omen for this winter's indoor training.  

Also, my favorite time of year is almost upon us, autumn.  You'd think that with the onset of my SAD occurring in autumn that it would be one of the lesser-liked seasons.  Au contraire!  I love autumn- it's colors, it's smells, it's weather!  The sight of the bright blue sky over a field of golden corn smelling like it's ready for harvest is one of my most treasured sensory experiences of the year. 

Now if only fall didn't go straight into winter...

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